Long Overdue Update

I apologize for how overdue this update is.  Let me just start with a few photos:

The boys have been home for over a month now.  With 9 little ones life is busy... but I still look at others running around and think our life is pretty calm in comparison.  Life really is starting to calm down and feel normal again.  The kids helped make homemade fettucini today. (Yes, we started with flour.)  And homemade alfredo sauce. (No, we didn't use a can.)  And there was a little asparagus from our garden to go with it.  (In addition to chicken and peas because the boys are still in need of more protein and veggies than they are carbs.)  Today was a good day.

Jeremiah saw an audiologist and ENT last week.  He's deaf.  Completely deaf.  While we were told he was deaf, it still surprises me a bit because he says a handful of English words.  But, he is just determined, a good lip reader, and probably wasn't deaf at birth so he can make many sounds.  He has been such a trooper.  He has a fourth tooth being extracted tomorrow.  I wish I could say he will be done with dental work at that point, but 7 years without a toothbrush leads to some pretty awful teeth.  We are also starting down the path of having a developmental evaluation done.  Not having a language for 7 years affects every bit of him.  While he is starting to sign... and talk... he has a lot of living to catch up on.  It makes me sad that he gets so frustrated at times.  He really wants to be helpful.  He wants to understand and be understood.  He just doesn't know how to communicate.  We are working on that. 

Max has picked up English amazingly fast.  He doesn't speak a word of Ukrainian anymore.  I was trying to explain "recyclables" to Benjamin today.  He didn't understand, so Max piped up to explain to his brother, as he has done since day one.  He explained in English.  "Over there, with the clean trash."  It made me chuckle that he explained in English.  In only a few short weeks they have learned so much.  Max WANTS to learn.  Amy has been learning her continents and Max was bound and determined to learn them too.  He actually had them down pretty well before he even had any understanding what it all meant.  He laughed at me the first time I pointed to the blue on the map and told him it was water.  Even after he understood that it was water, it still took a while before he grasped the concept of it being a map of the world.  I'm still not sure how much he understands.  He wants to learn, but lacking all of the normal life experiences that kids naturally get, his understanding is limited or skewed.

Benjamin just wants to be a kid.  He wants to push trucks around the house.  He wants to be tickled, and will ask to be tickled.  He is very proud of himself for learning to pump on the swing.  And will ask every few minutes if it is time to go outside.  When we do say it is time to go outside he quickly runs and grabs his shoes and very sweetly asks for help putting them on.  It took a lot of work to get to the point of him asking so sweetly.  At first, it was just tears and we had to guess what was wrong.  Then it was "shoes" repeated with and alternating demanding and whining tone.  I am SO THRILLED he asks so kindly now.  Eventually he will learn to put his shoes on himself, but for now, this is where we are at.  
 
When going through this process, we were told by many been-there-done-that adoptive families, that the "special need" that is on paper, is probably not the "need" that is going to take up most of your time and energy.  That is definitely true.  It's easy to overlook the fact that Jeremiah is deaf, but it is impossible to overlook the neglect the three of them have experienced.  They are emotionally two-year olds.  They are very fun, very lovable, very smart boys... who are starting at square one when it comes to social and emotional development.  But they are making progress.

For example, a couple weeks ago were at a park.  The "original" kids (for lack of better word), joined in a kid-organized baseball game.  All of the kids, ages about 4-10, were playing by "the rules."  These were unwritten rules, not exactly official baseball rules, but all of the kids just instinctively understood what the rules were and were enjoying the game.  Jeremiah, Max, and Benjamin on the other hand, repeatedly tried to take... and keep... the baseball.  They didn't seem to understand at all how to participate in the game.  They didn't pick up on any clues from watching the other kids of what was expected.  In order to not disrupt the baseball game, I directed them to the adjacent soccer field with a soccer ball.  One of them would kick the ball.  A second would do a belly plop on the ball and yell "mine".  The one who didn't get the ball would drop to a w-sit and cry because he didn't get the ball.  The kicker would drop to a w-sit and cry because he no longer had the ball.  I would then try to convince the one with the death grip on the ball to kick the ball.  They finally would kick it and the scenario would repeat.

But that was a couple weeks ago.  A couple days ago they were back at the park with a soccer ball.  This time they stood about 20 feet away from each other.  Kicked the ball from one to another.  No tears!  

Seriously, if you could see how far they have come, you would be amazed.  But I don't want to sugar coat everything.  There are effects from the neglect they've experienced.  And one month on American soil doesn't wipe that out.  They need years of patience and love.  There is no quick fix.  But they are such wonderful little boys.  They are joys to be around and they truly are blessings.  God made them each unique, and He made them with a purpose.  I am so thankful that I can give them hugs.  I can't fix everything instantly, but I can give hugs and tell them I love them.  I can teach them the words to "Jesus Loves Me" and hope someday they understand the words... and then understand the meaning of the words. 

And... here's 30 seconds of video for you. 

And finally, a link to the "airplane / car video".

On the twelfth day at home...

I survived taking the boys to Target today.  If you had seen the boys' pockets by the end of church, you would understand why going to Target was such a concern.  They don't understand why they can't just have everything they see.  We quickly made our way to pick up prescriptions at the pharmacy and got out of there as fast a possible.  There is a cafe by the exit and there was full bawling over they fact that they couldn't have something to eat.  The fact that they had just eaten and couldn't possibly be hungry meant nothing.  There are definitely still moments where it is obvious that they have spent too long in an orphanage, but then there are other moment when it seems like they have been here forever.

Yesterday we had the Helen Keller water experience with Jeremiah.  My mother-in-law sat down with Jeremiah and taught him his colors in sign.  Once he understood what she was teaching he was absolutely thrilled with himself and wanted to show everyone that he knew his colors.  He had a handful of signs before that moment, but it was like in that moment he realized that he could convey more than just basic needs.  He is now asking what the sign is for different objects, he's copying signs that I make just so he can use them himself.  I am so thrilled that the world is finally opening up for him.

Max loves to show us that he's a smart cookie.  We bought each of the boys some school workbooks.  They are a little to new to need workbook pages, they still have a ton of life lessons to learn first, but since the other kids have school time, they copy the other kids and need their own books.  Max took tons of pride in his work book and sat there and did 75 pages in it... with his eyes always making sure that we were watching and praising him.  It was a Kindergarten workbook in English.  The only places that he needed help were the places where he didn't know the English words.  His English is coming along so quickly it is amazing.  He is putting sentences together and hasn't even been in the country two weeks.  When Max isn't showing off what he knows, he wants to be outside.  He still shouts "Airplane!" at every passing plane, waves to cars driving by, falls off his scooter but gets right back up, tries repeatedly to hit a baseball so far with little success but he still tries, runs in circles just because it's fun, and finds every mud puddle out there.  At first all of the boys were TERRIFIED of getting dirty, but after watching Andrew start to run down the hill... then drop to his knees so he could slide down on his knees in the mud, they quickly realized that it was OK to get dirty.  The days of going a month between baths are LONG gone.

Benjamin is the baby of the three in many ways.  He wants hugs.  He relies on Max to communicate for him.  He only has a handful of English words and has not displayed much interest in learning more.  It will come; we just need to be patient. Benjamin likes to ask for second helpings at meal time, but he is still not good at eating the second helpings.  His eyes must be bigger than his stomach.  Thank goodness the car sickness is a part of history.  Now he get excited when there is a car ride.

The days are still exhausting.  But each day is better than the previous.  Each tomorrow is a little more hopeful.

Everyone's Tucked In

I just tucked in the kids.  Max said "I love you" unprompted.  I'm not sure if he has a clue what it means, but he definitely knows it brings a smile to my face.  Max and Benjamin learned very quickly, while we were still visiting at the orphanage, how to give kisses.  But Jeremiah still hasn't figured it out.  I just can't imagine going seven years without knowing how to give a kiss.

All of the kids are adjusting well.  We took them to the park on Tuesday.  Jeremiah went sledding with Gabriel while the other kids played on the playground equipment.  Jeremiah is funny about bumps, if someone or something happens to bump into him by accident, even a very minor bump, he brakes down and cries and is completely offended and blaming the person or thing that bumped him.  Sledding, well, he had to get over that.  He didn't have the coordination to go fast.  He kept sticking his legs off the front of the sled.  But he did get going enough to tumble off a few times.  The look in his eyes was precious.  It was a mix of "that snow bank just bumped me", "is this okay?", and "wow, that was fun.".  Thankfully the "wow, that was fun" won out and he kept climbing up the hill and sledding down for 45 minutes.

For the rest of the kids, the playground equipment called to them.  Elizabeth was the little teacher and told them the name of everything and gave instructions in proper use.  She uses this little voice, like she is playing pretend and she's the teacher, when she is talking with the boys.  Andrew has been in 6 year old boy heaven lately.  He is THRILLED to have three new brothers all about his age.  He just wanted to run and bounce and just play hard at the park.  He was dragging Max around from one thing to the next as fast a possible because he was just so excited he couldn't possibly slow down.  Max and Benjamin were trying to keep up, but their coordination is just not there.  Benjamin wanted me holding his hand on everything.  I tried to reassure him by staying close, while allowing him to do it on his own.  They figured out the climbing equipment.  But things that require balance, such as the pole stairs that wobble, were more of a challenge.  They looked at the rope bridge and just gave me a look of "are you kidding me" and just went around it and met the other kids on the other side.

We are still discovering new things constantly.  I was holding Benjamin in my arms last night when someone turned on the light above me.  He reached out and grabbed the lightbulb!  Thankfully it was just turned on and not very hot yet, but those are the sort of things that just scare me right now.  They are very much like two-year-olds in the many ways they don't understand the world.  It is hard to anticipate what they will do next.

Food has been simple with them... put food in front of them and they will eat it and ask for seconds.  Benjamin has expressed a small amount of pickiness, but as long as we offer seconds, he seems determined to finish his firsts in order to get more of the thing he likes for seconds.  Last night they devoured enchiladas.  Knowing they lived off of such a bland diet for so long, I didn't know how that would go over, but they just loved them.  The only thing they have absolutely refused to eat is oatmeal.  I don't blame them and won't serve it to them again for a long while.  At the orphanage they were given what looked like day old bread soaked in water with a few oats mixed in to make an oatmeal like mush.  On their first morning after Gotcha we served them oatmeal and they devoured it without question.  But after a few days of eating different foods, then trying to serve them oatmeal again, they wanted nothing to do with the oatmeal.  I do believe they have had their lifetime oatmeal quota filled.  There are enough other breakfast foods that we can avoid that one for them.

If I told you that the last few days have been easy, I would be lying to you.  The need to always be on hyper-alert status is draining.  But, the boys truly are such a blessing.  Their joy at little things is contagious.  Tonight we stayed out late at a family gathering and when we went to leave Max noticed the night sky.  He was just overtaken by it's beauty and had to point it out to each of us.  It's so easy to get busy in life and miss the beauty that God created for us to enjoy.  It's so easy to take for granted all the delicious food God has provided for us.  But, having Jeremiah, Max, and Benjamin around has made us realize how truly blessed we are.  Thank you.  Thank you. Thank you! to all of you for all of your help bringing them home. 

Everything Is New

We have been home for two days.  Everything is still brand new to them.  I don't have the brain cells left to make a coherent blog post, so I'll just post some of the highlights of the last 48 hours.

The cookies baking in the oven were completely amazing.  The boys kept looking at them and laughing.

The toilet is still a new concept.  They don't have all the steps down yet and I find myself having to remind them about something... close the door... wipe... flush... wash your hands.

They tried to eat their hamburger with a fork.

Benjamin tried out the swing set today.  He keeps falling off it backwards as he unsuccessfully tries to imitate Amy pumping.

They devour the food put in front of them... broccoli excluded.  They eat so fast that I worry about them choking.  We are trying to teach them to eat slowly and chew, but I think that will take a while.

The fact that they can get their own glass of water whenever they want from the fridge was pure joy to them today. 

They have an expectation that if I tell them to clean up, food will follow as soon as it is clean. 

Jeremiah puts his ear up to the LeapFrog alphabet magnet that sings the alphabet when you press it.  Again, it makes me wonder about what is going on in his ears and anxious for some true testing.

They have a lot of trouble understanding that some things, such as the Johnny Jumper, are only meant for babies.  They get really upset when things aren't "fair" in their mind and there being toys that they are not allowed to play with is just torture to them.  

They played outside today.  They were studying everything: the trees, the kids' teepee, the dead brussel sprout stalks.  They kept looking back at me to see if what they were doing was okay... as if they were getting away with something.

When I opened the garage door it scared the heck out of them.

My sister Sheryl posted pictures of our homecoming.  I'll let you all look there as I'm done for the night.  http://libertyhillhouse.blogspot.com/2012/03/international-arrivals.html

We Have the Boys and Are Heading Home

We have Visas for boys. Our plane takes off for home at 9:55 tomorrow.  Until tonight, we didn't have internet in the apartment.  I have used my precious internet moments in Mc. Donalds and a subway for getting plane tickets arranged and checking on those at home, but my friend Jenn has been able to blog about our adventures. She has a few posts up and is planning on posting more. So, check her blog for pics. :) edventureproject.com

Catch Up

Just to catch you up.  I'm currently home for the 10 day wait.  We passed court!  Benjamin Matthew, Max Jacob, and Jeremiah Michael are our SONS!  I will be leaving soon to go back and get them.  Sorry for the lack of updates, but I had very limited internet in region.  I would use all my internet patience each day trying to get a few minutes of Skype time with the kids at home.  Facebook worked pretty well, blogger would just crash. 

So, here are a few pictures to catch you up...

Play dough was a favorite.  They are trained to play only on little boards, so we had to find "boards" for them to play on.  Daddy's breaking the rules by having his play dough on the table.  A moment later Jeremiah fixed it by placing Daddy's play dough on his board. 

It is very rare to actually see Benjamin sit.  He squats like this, or plays standing up, but most of the time he is just too busy to sit down.  In the corner of the picture you can see Jeremiah digging in our back pack.  He would search it thoroughly each day to see if there were any new treasures.

Max has a lot of patience and is creative.  He doesn't just want roll the play dough into balls and then find the next toy, he wants to make a kitty cat that includes whiskers and a textured body to show it's fur.

Benjamin is trying to get his yo-yo back on his finger.  He never quite got the hang of getting it to come up... even though his yo-yo is an auto-return yo-yo.  But he loves dropping it until the sting is out and then rolling it across the floor to wind the string back up. 

Jeremiah LOVES bubbles.  He loves them so much that on two separate days he got so excited that he threw his arms up and spilled them.  But his brothers fixed the problem by having him "catch" their bubbles with his tube to try to get more.  When this didn't work Max poured a bit of his bubble mix into Jeremiah's tube to share.  And for all the therapists out there, yes, I know he is "W-Sitting".  It is hard to convince him to sit in any other position.

These are the 6 keys it takes to get through the 4 locked doors to get into my apartment.

Benjamin is wearing a 2T.  He will be 5 in a few days.

Jeremiah is wearing a size 3.  He is 7.  I couldn't find a tag on Max's shirts.  But I can't wait to get them home and fatten them up.  If this surprises you, please at least skim the info at this link: http://butbygraceitcouldbeme.blogspot.com/2012/02/learning-experience-ee-doctors.html

Paper has been a hit.  Between Origami, coloring, and drawing things to help communicate, I'm not sure what I would do without it.  Benjamin liked blowing up the paper balls like balloons.  Then he would fold it back up and blow it up again.

Max is showing off his snowman drawings.

Jeremiah showing off his bubble he caught.

Benjamin showing off his baby wipe. 

Facebook Post from February 5th:

So I brought the baby wipes to today's visit. They were antibacterial, scented wipes. I'm not normally a fan of antibacterial nor scented products, but it's not like I can just swing by Target. Little did I realize the kick they would get out of these baby wipes. I handed them out before their snack of bananas. They started smelling them. I showed them that they were to wash their hands with... and they continued to smell them. Then a couple of people walked by... and the boys shoved the baby wipes under their noses. Then, their desire to eat their bananas drove them to copying me finally using them to wash their hands. I am trying to teach them to pray before meals and for the first time, they folded their hands and waited rather than just shoving their food in their mouths. Every baby step just makes me such a proud mama. But, by about 12 seconds after "Amen" was said, the bananas were gone. I'm not even going to work on the concept of eating slowly at this point. That will come once we are home and true hunger is no longer an issue... but they waited through prayer! After they ate and drank, it was time to clean up the table. I used a baby wipe to clean off the sticky spots. This reminded them of their baby wipes again and they went back to smelling them and then proceeded to wipe down EVERYTHING with them. Their hands... their faces... their shirts... their pants... their cubby... their chair... their coat... the floor. After they wiped each item down they would smell it and chuckle. Before I knew it the foyer was a bit cleaner and the visit was over. It wasn't exactly how I imagined the visit to go, but it worked.

 Facebook Post from February 7th:

I have mentioned that the hygiene doesn't meet my standards. But, much of that difference is culture, not lack of care. They are very particular about the boys wearing three layers of clothing in our 85 degree room, because they believe they will get sick if they get cold. They make sure the boys tuck in their undershirts and have their collar straight. They care. Early in our visit yesterday morning, the doctor came in. The boys were very happy to see her and she was very affectionate with them. She wanted to see what they were playing with. She talked to them... not at them. She very much made eye contact with them and they ate up every minute of it. I have seen this doctor, and one other doctor go in and out of the groupa often. It seems that they are doing their best to care for the kids. They definitely don't have the technology or money to do much... but I could see in this woman's eyes that she wants to do everything she can to help. I am very thankful for the staff showing so much love to my boys.

Skyping with the kids.  Andrew is wiggling his tooth... which did eventually fall out.

We brought photo albums for the boys.  I'm glad I didn't spend a ton of money on them because they have been looked through so much that they are falling to pieces. 

Some of the kids in our boys' groupa were allowed to go outside.  Our boys weren't allowed on this day, but they were allowed on another day, but there was so much commotion that I wasn't able to get a picture that day.  The little girl I'm helping is just a sweety pie and SO wants a Mama of her own.  She always grabs for my hand and says "Mama?" with a questioning sad look in her eyes.  I wish I could tell all these little ones that Mamas and Papas were coming for them, but none of these little ones are even available for international adoption.  So all we can do is pray. 

 Facebook Post from February 7th:

I was allowed to play outside with Jeremiah, Max, and Benjamin today. The nannies dressed them in two long sleeve undershirts, a sweater, a thermal sweater, a heavy coat, tights, leggings, jeans, thermal pants, snow pants, scarf, hat, gloves, boots, oh and socks and underwear. It took longer to dress them then they were allowed to be outside. In America we bake cookies to show we care... here, they add another layer.

Comment to a question:  It was about 40 degrees when we went outside. I'm glad they went out then, because the next few days it is only supposed to be in the single digits. But seriously, I think I'm more likely to get heat stroke than frostbite here. At least in the places I have stayed, the heat is controlled by the government. Turned on on a certain day... and turned off on a certain day... despite the weather. It is normally about 85 degrees inside. In my apartment I can open the door to the porch to let in cool air, but when I'm at the orphanage I just melt. I have tried just wearing short sleeves to the orphanage... but I get scolded by the staff.

Wikistick glasses.  They certainly can find ways to make me laugh. 

We passed court!  They are ours forever!

Groundhog's Day

So we've reached the point of this adoption that others have termed “Groundhog Day.” I get up and get dressed into one of the three outfits that I have left here (one pair of pants is mysteriously missing). I go to the orphanage at the same time with the same driver. Although, I do have to say that the music has improved. Rustic, our driver, asked Robert the first day what type of music he likes. He replied that he likes country. The next day Rustic had an CD called “100 Favorite Country Folk Songs” in the CD player. We listened to She'll Be Coming Round the Mountain on our drive to the orphanage that morning... including the verse “we will kill the old red rooster when she comes”... at top volume. He seriously tries hard. But, before long, Folk songs gave way to Tim McGraw... and when Robert left I was given control of the radio.

I go to the same room with the same toys with the boys in the same clothes. They wear the same clothes for days. And the raisin that got mushed into the shirt sleeve three days ago... is still there three days later. And, when we traced their hands two days ago and got a little pen on their hands... that's still there, too. I really wish I had a sink I could wash them up in. I would love to introduce toothbrushes and normal cleanliness. Today I'm planning to go shopping and buy some baby wipes. It is just creeping me out that they never wash their hands.

Although, I have to say that it doesn't even come close to how creeped out I was by the big fat RAT that ran by us yesterday during my visit. If you know me, you know how scared I am of itty bitty mice.. I seriously wanted to bust the boys out at that moment when I saw the rat. I seriously don't get all the contradictions that I see. Why is it that they have school books, when they are only barely fed and aren't made to wash their hands or brush their teeth? The staff seems nice... and seem to genuinely care for the boys and all the kids. Is it just the difference between a Mommy and staff? I don't know. But, I do know that in a few weeks they won't know what has hit them with all the soap, water, and food I'm going to introduce them to.